Stumpys
by Bob Waite
Hatchet throwing sounds to me like something lumberjacks do during their breaks. I visit Stumpy’s Hatchet House in Bristol and co-owner Jen Runyon tells me the story of how this sport captivated her and her boyfriend to the point where they decide to get a franchise from Stumpy’s. From the fun of tossing a few hatchets at the Eatontown location to buying in on the franchise is a big jump. Jens says, “I have been preparing for this all my life. I worked for Loreal, my ex-husband’s tax service and have been a full-time mom. I planned events and held a fund raiser. And besides I didn’t like my nine to five.”
Mike Keeley, Jen’s partner and boyfriend, keeps his job as a product manager, but is deeply involved in the finances and administration of Stumpy’s. He even used his handyman skills in building much of the indoor structure, including the handsome lobby.
After a year of preparation, Stumpy’s Hatchet House opened on December 19, 2018. The parent company is only two years old. Jen and Mike are committed to this new sport. Jen believes it is “the new bowling.”
I get a group of six together from my Thursday night Bible study. We are not likely to take advantage of the BYOB policy, but we are all hearty drinkers of coffee, tea and lots of soda. Anyway, beer and wine can be brought to Stumpy’s. No hard stuff. Liquor, Jen tells me, is often brought but when spotted, is not allowed on playing floor. Instead it is kept at the desk until the party leaves. Food can be ordered from many local eateries, and Stumpy’s has discounts at several.
Six of us decide to go. Ken and Dee Shemelia, John and Sharon Dutkiewiez and my wife Tanya and I all meet at Stumpy’s at 7 p.m. on a Wednesday night. Tanya and I arrive first. We see the lobby. Safety rules and other instructions are posted on the wall on folksy looking wooden signs. A large counter faces the door, behind which are Stumpy’s tee shirts for sale. There is a cozy sitting area.
We have to sign releases to hold Stumpy’s harmless for any accidents while playing this sport. We are given tablets with all the information and we have to read and agree to the statements. I have my glasses but my wife doesn’t have hers. No problem, there is a stand full of glasses to use for those who need a little help with reading the fine and even not so fine print.
Our friends come and go through the same process. Jen then introduces us to Matt, a high school teacher and hatchet throwing coach. He is our coach for the night. He introduces himself to us and begins teaching us about this sport right in the lobby. One of our group goes to the bathroom, but Matt doesn’t stop. “I am loud enough to be heard in the restrooms,” he says.
And he is loud enough. A big guy wearing a tee shirt and sporting a goatee, he looks like a poster child for ax hurling. His big voice is accompanied by a big smile and hearty laugh. We like him. The rules are made for our benefit, he says. Being in the way of someone hurling a hatchet can be harmful to your health.
He also tells us about how he got into throwing hatchets. He went with some friends and couldn’t seem to get the hatchet into the target, let alone hit a bullseye, so he tried to think about all the instruction he was given and it didn’t produce any results, until he had a few cold ones and loosened up. Then things changed. His throws hit the target and often in a high scoring place. They didn’t bounce off the wall. He now loves the sport and his part time job as a coach.
After our indoctrination we are taken to the pit. We need to know how to throw the hatchets, where to stand and so on. The pit has two targets, and an area where you stand to throw the hatchets. My wife and I go first in our practice session. Matt suggests we use the two-handed throw from over our heads, but I want to do what I saw Matt do and throw with one hand, holding the ax above my shoulder. We both toss the hatchets and they bounce off the wall. Next John and Sharon throw and John uses the one arm throw while Sharon uses the two-hand throw from behind her head. They also bomb on first practice throw. Next comes Ken and Dee. Dee throws with over the head two-hand throw and it bounces, but Ken, using a one-hand throw, gets the ax in the target. We all marvel.
Our practicing takes about an hour. It seems that Ken is the leader in hits that stick. I am at the other end of the pack. Not one of my throws sticks, and we are getting ready for a game. So it is guys versus gals and they have some reason for confidence. They all have made axes stick to the target, something I cannot seem to get the hang of it and John, so far, is right behind me.
In our first game there were several bull’s eyes: Sharon, John, Tanya and, of course, Ken. I feel successful simply by getting a couple of points twice by having my ax stick in the target. Both John and I have switched to the overhead two handed throw. Ken is still going strong throwing with one hand.
Whenever anyone gets a bullseye, they can go up to this bell and ring it hard. The gals seem to love this and every time they get a bullseye, they pull it with great gusto. I never get to pull it but while booing my wife’s bullseye, I am secretly very proud of her newfound talent and can’t wait to tell everyone I know about Tanya’s success. John is smiling about his wife’s success too.
In between throws or games, there is a nice sitting area and tables for eating and drinking. There is also an area with games like checkers and a giant Jenga game that I want to play next time I come. Jen tells me that groups often play games after throwing hatchets. Depending on the amount of people present on any given night, people stay another half hour to play games.
In our match between the guys and gals, we win the first match. It is the first team to get 15 points. Now when you are close you have to get it exactly. In other words if you have 13 points you can only get a 1 or 2 to score. You have to hit it exactly. Well, we win the first game. Second game, it seems like we are going to win, but when we are near 15, Matt decides to change the game to whoever gets 20 first. Then the girls make a surprising reversal. Anyway, we shouted, “Unfair, unfair!” but to no avail, and the time is up. We are definitely going to have a rematch.
As we leave, we talk about how much fun we had throwing hatchets. I want to do it again, and so does everyone else in our group. As we are leaving, Matt yells, “Hey, come back!” It turns out that Stumpy’s always takes a group photo and awards a present, which is a piece of wood from the target. This piece which looked like a four-foot plank had the target lines still in it and it says, Bucks County Mag. At the bottom, is a sticker that says Stumpy’s. What a great time!
Stumpy’s Hatchet House is located at 1501 Grundy Lane, Bristol, PA 19007. For more information, call 267-553-AXES or visit www.stumpysbuckscounty.com.
Bob Waite is the editor of Bucks County Magazine.