PAUL F WESLEY
By Cynthia Marone
The feeling of exhaustion ran deep, both mentally and physically. It’s something those raising children experience more often than not. Beth Jester was no different when she was raising a 2-1/2-year-old and a 4-month-old. What made things different was she was in her 50s and caring for her grandchildren, and she was finding very few avenues for support. “I did not know one person that was doing this,” the New Britain Township resident said.
Finding a network to ease her loneliness went on for about a year, and that was too long in her estimation. So instead of finding it, she built the network by co-founding the Bucks County Grandfamilies Support Group, which connects those raising the children of loved ones to others in similar circumstances as well as to much-needed resources. Not content to aid the countless adults lost in a new world of child care, she also authored a children’s book that celebrates not only the uniqueness of every family but also the love all families share.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are 7 million grandparents in the country living with grandchildren younger than 18 with 33 percent of that number serving as the primary caregivers. Those national numbers narrow, but are no less shocking, when filtered down to Pennsylvania and Bucks County. Census data estimates there are almost a quarter of a million grandparents in the state and more than 12,000 in Bucks County—with 34 percent and 26 percent, respectively, acting as the primary caregivers — in the same circumstance.
Though the numbers are staggering, Beth’s search for support hit wall after wall. She and John, her husband of 41 years, became caregivers to their grandchildren in 2015 when the couple feared the little ones would become wards of the state when their daughter’s struggle with addiction became too great.
The kids settled in with their grandparents, but Beth began to feel isolated. She had left her job at the nonprofit Voice & Vision in Warrington, where she had worked for six years, to care full time for her grandchildren. She stayed in touch with friends through phone calls, and they offered support and help, but regular face-to-face connecting became difficult as time now edged toward potty training and diaper changing.
While attending a speaking engagement where a grandfather talked of raising his granddaughter, Beth reconnected with Roberta Edgar, a woman she had known when they were both young mothers. They quickly discovered a kinship in more ways than one. “One of us said to the other, ‘Have you been able to find a support group for grandparents raising?’ We both said no. We had both been searching. I called every agency I knew because I thought somebody has to have one. Everyone was telling me no, they didn't. We both agreed there was a huge need, and we really wanted that for ourselves,” Beth, a graduate of Montgomery County Community College where she earned an associate degree as a medical secretary, said. “We immediately started on it because we were both really excited and we both felt it was something we did not want to do alone because we were raising our grandkids. We felt we could do it together.”
The meetings, held at Lenape Valley Church at 321 W. Butler Ave. in New Britain in the spring and fall, hit the ground running in 2019 with 16 families in attendance. After a scheduled summer break, 25 families showed up for the fall’s in-person sessions, which are open to those in and beyond Bucks County. In that first year alone, Beth was busy spreading the word at numerous events, including various support groups and at the Bucks County Blitz, where local officials gathered for an opioid awareness event; with an informative table at the Bucks County Recovery Conference; and by helping plan the initial Grandfamily Expo in Warminster.
What started as a way to lessen her own isolation quickly morphed into a mission to clear the path for others facing what she had and to share what she had learned. This was not limited to grandparents nor by the meeting’s hours. “We've had aunts and uncles. I've had siblings call me that are taking on a younger sibling,” Beth, who had previously worked in the medical field and as a secretarial substitute in the Central Bucks School District, said. “I serve about 30 to 40 families on the phone a year that cannot make it to my meetings.”
Beth, who has been facilitating the meetings solo since Roberta stepped away in 2020, has been toying with the idea of hybrid sessions for those who can’t make it in person the first and third Friday of the month from 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. When COVID-19 forced the world to Zoom in 2020, the group was no different, and speaker involvement and attendance continued seamlessly. A combination of remote and face-to-face sessions, Beth said, is a way to reach as many people as possible.
Whether in person or online, there has been much success with the group, proving the need was there all along. Beth discovered another need in how the world addresses grandfamiles — or lack thereof — at a surprising time.
While reading bedtime stories to her grandchildren, Beth became frustrated when she said she “couldn’t find that perfect book” for the kids, one that spoke to their living situation but also celebrated the differences and love found in all families. So she did what she naturally does when presented with a need but an inexplicable gap: She filled it herself.
Beth wrote “We Live with Nana and Grandpa” and, in 2022, Covenant Books published it for ages 10 and younger. Ideally, Beth said, the 28-page book with illustrations by Rylan Fabryk is for adults to read to children. “I just wanted to write a book that would not only benefit my grandchildren but benefit other children both living in the same situation and being raised by grandparents as well as the average child because it helps the average child understand that families look differently than their family,”
Beth, who previously contributed and participated in writing pieces for the first edition of “Substance Use: The Growing Need to Know” in Voice & Vision’s “Help and Hope: From Families Who Have Walked the Walk” series, said. “I didn't solve any problems in the book, and I never intended to; I just made statements: You're just like every other child, but you live with us. We love you. We'll always be here for you.”
Those early days, when both kids were under age 3 and each moment was uncharted territory, have ebbed away to today, where Beth and John’s daughter has been sober for several years and the kids are 11 and 8. “They're well. They're very well. They have three adults that love them and take care of them,” Beth, who also has five additional grandchildren, said. “They’re like all other kids. That's why I wrote that book. They've got their friends and their sports. We have a swing set, and they have bikes. They're normal kids.”
Since then, too, Beth has regained her balance. She relishes time with her family and 3-year-old Labrador mix, Gracie, but also tending her flower garden, lunch with friends and trips to the Jersey Shore. But she never forgets those initial feelings when her two young grandchildren came to stay and, though she had already raised two sons and a daughter, how overwhelming it felt. It’s something she can see on the faces or hear in the voices of new caregivers. She lets them know they may be navigating new terrain, but they’re not doing it alone. “If I have answers to questions because I’ve come across things before, I either may answer or I may say, ‘We've had grandfamilies where this has happened before and this is what they did.’ I give them resources or places to find the answers,” Beth said. “There's a lot of answers out there, but we don't always know them. If I have an answer, I'm very happy to help them with that. That is what I like to do. It drives me.”
For more information about the Bucks County Grandfamilies Support Group, visit facebook.com/BCGrandfamilies, email BCGrandfamilies@gmail.com or call 267-228-9719 or 215-345-1099. We Live with Nana and Grandpa is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and various other retailers.
Cynthia Marone is a freelance writer who lives in Philadelphia.